


Catharsis

by notaliteraltoad



Series: Aubade [2]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Josh Washington Lives, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-09-18 08:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaliteraltoad/pseuds/notaliteraltoad
Summary: Every morning Josh turns on his music as he gets ready in the morning. The music is soft and quiet, peaceful - and sometimes his favourite song will flit through the speakers and he thinks of Sam. Wonderful, amazing Sam who saved him on the mountain and continues to save him every day.But today is different; because today is the day he's meeting up with the very people he hurt - and even Sam can't save him from that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The long awaited sequel is here! It's going to be much shorter than Aubade, but hopefuly just as fun to read!
> 
> I couldn't decide whether to go from Sam's POV since Aubade was, or with Josh's since it's more focused on him. So I guess I'm switching POV? Let me know what you think!

_**Catharsis (n)** _

_**The process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.** _

* * *

 

Three hours. Josh had locked himself in his room for _three hours,_ and it was like trying to coax out a toddler having a tantrum. Why Sam was still even trying was _beyond her._ If he wanted to act like a child, who was she to stop him?

No, it wasn't his fault. Sam took a deep breath, slipping her eyes closed, and stuffed down the anger bubbling in her stomach. Josh needed her support, not her frustration. Patience was always key.

Sam knocked on the wooden door, echoing in the silence of the Washington Mansion. Then, "Josh, it's me again. Are you going to come out?"

No answer. She imagined him piled under blankets and pillows, face buried in the soft fluff of his newest cushion. It was one of many habits he hadn't shaken since almost becoming a Wendigo - and while it was usually cute, right then it made Sam want to rip the cushion away and _hit_ him with it. 

Instead she knocked again and waited.

The door cracked open, revealing a sliver of the room inside as the hall light spilled into it. Save for that tiny streak of light it was almost pitch black - lights off, curtains drawn, not even the glow of a phone screen or TV. 

Sam stepped inside, shivering as the cold hit her. Since returning home Josh always kept the heat so low, sometimes it was as if they were still up on the Mountain. When Sam blew out a breath, she almost expected it puff out in front of her. As she turned, squinting in the dark room, Sam pulled the thick hoodie tighter around herself.

"Hey Sammy."

Sam _knew_ he was there, knew he had opened the door for her and was hiding behind it - but still the hushed voice made her jump, heart skipping in her chest. When her eyes landed on the silhouette of Josh his razor-like teeth seemed to glint and she shuddered. The urge to bolt backward rose, _overwhelming _,__ and for a split second she was back at the Mountain.

Josh slinked further into the darkness of the room, and was swallowed up by it. 

She reached out for him, wrapping toned arms around his waist and burying her face into the crook of his neck. “Sorry, Josh. I didn't mean to, I-"

"Neither of us have gotten over it all, huh?" 

 _Maybe we never will._ The words, unspoken, hung heavy in the air.

When Sam broke the hug she leaned up to press a kiss to his undamaged cheek. "You're right, but we don't have time to dwell on it. We _ _'__ re _supposed_ to be visiting Chris." She stared up at him with a furrowed brow, but she couldn't help the soft smile tilting her lips. “Chris is desperate to see you, you can't back out __now."__

"Watch me," Josh muttered - but instead of his usual sarcastic quip a tiny sigh squeezed from his lips. A moment later he pressed his forehead against hers and he was so __cold__ \- but that was the norm for him now. As far as Sam was aware, the partial transformation was irreversible.

Heat bubbled in her chest but she pushed it down, face twisting into a scowl. This had taken _weeks_ of planning Weeks of reassuring Josh it was okay and Chris that it would work out. Weeks of playing the middle man because __Josh__ refused to just talk to any of his friends himself. A puff of breath escaped Sam's mouth as she gently pushed against Josh's chest. Even if she had to squint to see him, and even if he wasn't much more than a darkened silhouette, she stared him down. "Joshua Washington, I love you to death but _so help me,_ you're driving me crazy! Please, just give it a go? He's been desperate for this ever you ever since you got home."

His night vision was near perfect, and it was intentional when he refused to meet her eyes. Instead he dropped his gaze, head tilted so only his undamaged side was visible. That was the root of the problem, wasn’t it?

Within moments the energy drained from her. "Not today, then? I don't want to force you into anything, right; but you can't stay home forever."

Silence. Seconds ticked by and each one felt like __hours,__ until, "I'll go."

"Really?" A smile spread across her face so wide it almost __hurt,__ but she didn't care. Progress! “It won't fix everything, but I think seeing Chris again will help. And Ash, and Matt and Jess and-"

"What if they don't want to see me?"

Sam's smile dropped. Josh's worries went far deeper than she had any hope of understanding - she had barely touched the  _surface_ of his problems and it tore her up inside. This was one of those things that left her flailing, lost for words and unable to offer even the tiniest comfort. She was a useless girlfriend.

She kept those thoughts locked away, forcing that bright smile back onto her face. "They wouldn't be coming if they didn't want to, would they?" she countered - and the little smile he gave in response made her chest swell, "Chris told me not to expect a fanfare or anything, but everyone's at least willing to give this a go." It wasn't much of a comfort, but it __was__ all she had to offer. "And no matter what, you'll always have Chris and me."

That, at least, was true.

"Now come on, get out of your pyjamas and we can get going."

* * *

 

The ride to Chris' place was almost silent. Silence with Sam had never been awkward - and sure, silence was always rare for him, but Josh had always treasured those occasional quiet moments.

This time it was as if something heavy was weighing on his chest, pinning him down, and the longer they drove the more that suffocating sensation bared down on him.

By the time Sam pulled up to Chris' house Josh's palms were sweating, his mind a flurry of activity - but as soon as the putter of the engine cut off, his mind went __blank.__

He heard Sam shove open the door and her feet jostle the gravel of the driveway, felt the cool air as it hit his face and ruffled his curls of hair - but he didn't move. _Couldn't_ move. He stood frozen in place, unable to move or talk or even _look_ at the little house just meters away.

They needed to turn back.

"Josh, honey?"

Sam's voice, his anchor, cut through his thoughts and suddenly he was looking into a pair of clear, bright blue eyes more beautiful than the ocean. She was smiling, so soft and so _convincing,_ like she knew everything was fine.

"You go on ahead," he spoke, but his roaring pulse drowned out his own voice, "say hi to Chris, give him the run down. Don't want to scare him in the first five seconds." He cast Sam a grin of his own, trying to ignore the way pointed canines dug into the soft flesh of his cheek. 

Note to self: don't smile in front of the others.

Sam's eyebrows creased; but then she nodded, retreating. "Sure. Promise you won't hide out in the car all night?"

"Promise."

"All right." She hovered there for a moment, hand wavering - but then she blew him a kiss and turned, hurrying down the drive with her arms braced against the cold.

Which left Josh alone with his thoughts and no one to tell him he was being a dummy. Usually a benefit - but not this time.

Sam's voice drifted down the drive and through the open door - an exclamation of delight as Chris greeted her. They both laughed, and Josh saw them embrace from the corner of his eyes. If Chris wasn't so __hopelessly__ in love with Ashley, he and Sam might have ended up together. Sam was better suited with someone like Chris; someone smart and charmingly weird and a hundred percent _human._ Not a messed up freak with an even more messed up face.

Josh slid down in his seat, reaching out with one elongated arm to slam the car door closed. The sound rang out into the night and his eyes snapped to the house - but Sam and Chris were already inside, oblivious.

He promised Sam he would come inside; but the car was _much_ better.

The car was tiny and cramped even for someone of Sam's size - but for someone like __Josh,__ tall and gangly and now more so than ever, he couldn't move a single limb without knocking the dashboard or hitting an elbow against the window. He settled for tucking his legs to his chest, head on his knees, and tried to ignore the dull sense of dread rising in his gut.

A quiet rap of knuckles against glass reached his ears, and he jumped, knocking his foot against the underside of the dashboard. An odd shriek slipped from his lips - a sound so shrill it wasn't even _human._ Josh froze, cheeks flushing crimson.

Sam smiled at him from the other side of the glass, a mug of something steaming hot clasped in one hand as she motioned rolling down the window with the other. 

He rolled it down for her, gaze shifting awkwardly. _Please don't let her have heard that god awful sound._ It wasn't until a warm hand touched his cheek and he smelled mint chocolate that he looked up, locking eyes with Sam once again.

"Chris made us some hot chocolate." She held up the steaming mug, unbothered by the fact she was leaning through a car window to reach him. "Are you ready to come in?"

"Yeah." __No.__

"Good." Sam retreated, her soft hand slipping from his cheeks so she could open the car door. Then she reached to take his hand and __oh__ that simple touch was __perfect.__ As long as she kept doing that, maybe he could see this cursed evening through.

His limbs were too spindly as he climbed out of the car - and when he rose to his full height it reminded him of how __tall__ he was. With a tiny smile and an odd sense of smugness, he wondered if he was finally taller than Mike. 

Sam led him to the door, opening it almost silently and stepping in ahead of him. At least Chris would see her first. The mug left a trail of steam as they moved through the hall, finding themselves in the kitchen.

And there was Chris - the same as ever with his stupid, oversized glasses and the __ugliest__ cable-knit sweater Josh had ever laid eyes on. The sight made Josh's stomach tangle, made his brain freeze up and Chris was staring at him but Josh __couldn't__ find the words.

Then there was a pair of thick, warm arms around his waist and he was surrounded by the scent of hot chocolate.

It took less than two seconds for Josh to clamp his own arms around Chris, and only two seconds more for the first wet tear to splash against his cheek.

"You have __no__ idea how much I missed you, bro."

More tears welled up in Josh's off colour eyes as he buried his face in Chris' shoulder, clutching onto him like he was a lifeboat in the open sea. His nails - filed, but still too sharp - tangled in Chris' sweater but he barely even noticed. "I missed you too," Josh choked out, and he didn't care his voice was shaking or that his tears were soaking into Chris' clothes.

When the two pulled apart Chris was _beaming,_ eyes shining behind the glasses. "You know, I thought you were going to bail on me."

"I considered it," Josh replied - and behind him Sam let out a snort of laughter, "I thought... I dunno. I thought that you didn't want to see me. After everything-"

"Dude, what you did was seriously messed up - but I get it, kind of. I forgive you."

That single sentence - just three simple words - and Josh __broke.__ The tears fell freely and his throat felt tight, his breath hitching; and then he was clinging to Chris, one clawed hand reaching out, grabbing for Sam too. 

She joined them, wrapping slender arms around Josh and Chris both - and the faint sniff gave away that she was crying, too.

How long they stayed like that, he didn't know - seconds, minutes, _longer -_ but it didn't matter. He had his best friend back, and that was the only thing that mattered.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time they convinced Josh to sit down Chris had plied him with more hot drinks than he could drink, buried under piles of fluffy blankets and reassured a hundred times he would _be okay._

It was the most enormous lie in the universe, but Josh kept his lips closed as Sam handed him _another_ cup of chamomile tea. "Jess and Mike will be here at seven," she told him as she settled down onto the sofa. It sank under her weight, but she was so slight he hardly noticed, "Chris tried to stagger their arrivals; he didn't want to overwhelm you. Or anyone else."

_Jess._ The person he wanted to see least - she had been the mastermind behind that _stupid_ prank on Hannah, and he had planned such elaborate revenge on her. A prank he had never pulled off - but he had __planned it__ for months and in such detail it he __had__ ingrained it into his mind. 

Then there were the mines, the Wendigo, weeks spent in hospital recovering from the most traumatic experience of her life. There was no way she would want to be near him, not when he had a face like __this.__

"Josh, honey?"

Sam's voice, always so sweet and patient, snapped him back to reality with a jolt. Milky eyes flickered up to clear blue ones and for a moment he was lost for words. 

"You had this face - all smooshed and twisted. Bad thoughts?"

He nodded but words refused to leave his lips. Instead Josh sank deeper into the cocoon of blankets, snatching up a pillow to bury his face into the soft fluff. 

"You don't want to talk about it?"

Josh shook his head. He didn't want to talk about _anything _-__ about the mountain or his  medication or his own stupidity; he wanted to curl up with these blankets and disappear into their warmth. There weren't even _words_ for how he felt - the nerves rolling in his gut and the rising panic as the clock ticked further and further to seven o'clock. If he had consumed anything worth throwing up, he would have spewed all over the floor.

“The words sound hollow," Sam spoke, voice quiet as she reached over to link her fingers through his, "but everything will be __fine.__ I promise."

She _couldn't_ promise that. Even so warmth flooded Josh's chest, and he squeezed her palm - careful to avoid digging those nails into her fragile skin. "Thanks Sammy."

"I love you, Josh."

Those words, so simple, were the only words he wanted to hear. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as she snuggled into her, arms looping around to pull her closer. "I love you too."

It only lasted a second because the doorbell rang, shrill in the quiet atmosphere - and Josh let out a strangled yelp, jolting from Sam's side. His heart hammered in his chest and bile rose in the back of his throat. _They were here._

Sam's words -  _everything will be fine_ - seemed empty, useless, as he replayed them in his mind.

"Coming!" Chris' voice called as he stumbled through the hall - tripping over Sam's boots left abandoned by the stairs - and Josh saw him grapple with the keys as he peeked his head over the sofa.

The door swung back to reveal Mike dressed in a leather jacket and skinny jeans as well dressed as ever. Behind him stood Jess, almost hidden by Mike's tall frame - and her smile was small, so reserved and unlike the shining personality Josh remembered. Even from this distance, Josh couldn't miss the fading scars across her forehead.

"Hey, you're here! Come on in. You guys want a drink - coffee, chocolate, something stronger?" Chris stepped aside to let them through, casting a glance toward Josh and Sam in the living room. Even though Chris smiled, he looked pale.

"I wouldn't mind tea," Jess spoke, and her voice wavered, betraying her nerves. Her eyes, ringed with dark circles, flickered to the living room. 

For a moment their gazes locked and Josh couldn't breathe, his heart thundering so loudly he it made him __sick.__ He had to get out of there - run, leave, __now__ and he would climb out of a fucking window if he had to so he didn't have to look at those wide, terrified eyes and delicate hands clutching for Mike.

"I'll make the tea." Jess' words spilled from her mouth but Josh barely heard them as she stumbled down the hall, eyes dropped to the floor. 

Mike sent them a helpless glance and followed, his words drowned out by the shuddering in Josh's chest.

As Mike slipped from view Josh let out a gasp and almost _collapsed_ into Sam's arms. They were already outstretched, curling around him and pulling him close. Even surrounded by Sam's warmth that urge to flee was so hard to ignore. 

"Well, that didn't go as planned. Can't blame her for running from this mug, can I?" Josh joked, but his voice wobbled and tears sprung to his eyes. He scrubbed at them with the corner of a blanket but it was too late - Sam always read his mind, like a weird psychic connection to his brain.

A hand brushed across his cheek as more tears spilled, but Sam stayed quiet this time. Maybe she knew words couldn't help, or perhaps there were no more words to say.

"Shit man, I'm sorry. I didn't expect Jess to _bail_ like that." Chris kept his voice low, casting an anxious glance toward the door as he sidled in. He settled down on Josh's other side, shoving blankets and pillows aside to make room. He placed a gentle hand on Josh's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "She'll come around. She wouldn't be here otherwise, right?"

"Sure." Every drop of energy had drained from him and he was just _tired._ Tired of fucking things up and disappointing his friends and _everything else._ Couldn't he go home and sleep?

"Hey, uh..."

Josh's head sprang up, milky gaze landing on Mike. He almost _flinched_ but could Josh blame him? With a ragged hole in his cheek and a mishmash of teeth sticking through the gap he was an awful sight. Not to mention off-blue eyes better suited to a blind man than a boy with better vision than ever. 

Josh sank into Sam's warmth, tucking that ugly, disfigured side into the curve of her side.

"Jess says she'll be out soon." Mike's voice dropped as he said, "give her a minute yeah? She wasn't expecting... __this.__ " Josh raised his head in time to see Mike wave a hand across his own face, fingers drifting across his tanned, perfect cheek.

Josh's lip curled, ragged teeth pricking the corner of his cheek, and threw Mike a narrow eyed glare. "This was a stupid idea, anyway," he muttered. And it was, wasn't it? He couldn't expect everyone to be __okay -__ not after what he did, not after the way he treated everyone like absolute __shit__ and pretended like it was all justified. Even if he wasn't directly responsible for Jess, he sure as hell hadn't __helped.__ Now she had to see his fucked up face and remember every terrible thing that happened to her; and know while she was down in those mines, alone, he had been torturing her friends for fun.

Gentle hands ran through his hair - shorter now, but still curly - and then Sam pressed a kiss to his temple. "Just give her time, Josh."

"Yeah, she was up for coming today. Don't worry about it." Mike collapsed onto the two seater across from them, gangly legs kicked up across the cushions in a way intended to make him appear relaxed. He wasn't fooling anyone. Not that Josh blamed him for feeling awkward.

"Someone should go check on her. It's been a hot minute." Chris' blue eyes flickered to the door, though the kitchen wasn't visible from where they sat. "I'll go see if she needs help."

"Good idea. Thanks, Chris. Just... be gentle, okay?" Mike smiled; but he pinched his eyebrows and his eyes dark with concern. 

"Of course," was Chris' reply as he heaved himself from the sofa. The space he left was empty and cold.

Josh watched him disappear into the hall, watched as that hideous cable-knit turned the corner and he wanted Chris back - _needed_ him back because now it was just him and Sam and Mike. 

Mike's gaze burned into his skin and Josh didn't even need to glance up to know what Mike was trying to glimpse. Josh couldn't hide his face forever.

Even the slow, soothing circles Sam drew in his hair did nothing. Any other time he would have curled into her touch, craved more of her careful hands and strawberry scented shampoo; but with Mike staring holes into his skin, Josh wanted to sink into the ground and disappear.

"So," Mike began - and when Josh let himself peak up from the mountain of blankets, he wasn't even looking his way. In fact, Mike focused his gaze on Sam and Sam only. "What happened? Chris filled me in on the basics but I missed __a lot,__ stuck down there in the mines..." he trailed off, lips pursing. “Forget it, Chris told me enough. I don't need to know the details."

They lapsed into silence; thick and hot. The walls were closing in and Josh was _suffocating,_ too cramped in Chris' tiny living room. He fidgeted, legs tangling in the blankets and face pressed into Sam's side because at least then he didn't have to look at Mike-

"Hey Sam, can you come through? Jess wants to speak to you."

Chris' voice sliced through the silence and Josh _sighed,_ relief flooding him. Except that meant Sam was leaving him and she was his __rock,__ the only thing keeping him from going insane.

But she agreed, muttering something into Josh's ear and then she slid out from underneath him. Her hand slipped from his with one last squeeze and she shot him a reassuring nod, eyes soft, before she was gone from view.

* * *

 

A knock on the kitchen door, and it reminded Sam of an almost identical scenario only hours ago. The only difference now was that she was faced with a teary-eyed Jess clutching a mug of tea as if it was the only thing keeping her tethered.

"Sam?" Jess' voice wobbled, and she clung to the mug even tighter. 

"It's just me," Sam replied as she eased her way in. She stretched out her arms - and Jess had never been one for hugs, or for affection at all, really - but she accepted the embrace with no complaints.

They stood there, Sam's arms wrapped around Jess' and even with the heat of the mug scalding her bare arm she didn't move away.

Jess moved first, skittering back with an embarrassed smile and a huff to blow hair from her eyes. "Thanks Sam. I didn't even know I needed that."

The kitchen was just as tiny as the rest of Chris' house - but somehow Jess looked so _small,_ so frail in a way Sam had never seen her before. She had tied her hair in a messy bun and her sparkly eyeshadow did nothing to hide the dark rings under her eyes. When was the last time she slept?

"Chris said you wanted me?" she ventured - and it was so _weird,_ stepping on eggshells around the most confident of their entire group. If Sam hadn't seen it for herself, she would never have believed it.

Jess took a sip from her mug, steam pluming. "I just... want you to tell me something. You've always been the closest with Josh, and you're the one who's seen him through it all." She shrugged and the wide neck of her sweater slipped down her shoulder. There was no attempt to fix it. "I __want__ to see him, but after what he did, I don't know if I can. Does he deserve forgiveness?"

Josh hadn't even _done_ anything to Jess - she had no right to hold this against him when she hadn't been there for any of it. Sam's nose scrunched, the words on the tip of her tongue - but when she looked at Jess, so tiny and nervous and nothing like herself, the fight drained from her. 

"You're the only one who can decide that. If you want to go home, you __can.__ But I've been with him these last few months and I __know__ how terrible he feels, how much he's been suffering. He's more than paid the price for it all." Sam placed a comforting hand to Jess' shoulder - and was it her imagination, or was Jess skinnier than normal? Her shoulder was more bony, collarbone more pronounced.

Shit. She had been focusing so much on Josh, she had forgotten about everyone else.

Jess eyes narrowed and her fingers clenched around the mug until they turned white. For a long moment it seemed like she had no words. Then, "It isn't just about that though, is it? If he hadn't pulled those idiotic pranks we wouldn't have been up on the mountain - and those monsters wouldn‘t have attacked __us!__ His selfishness put all our lives at risk and all he's worried about is if we forgive him or not?" She laughed, but it was a humourless sound.

Sam's fists clenched, and she closed her eyes against the flurry of anger rising in her gut. They had been through so much - Josh and Jess both - and anger _wasn't helping._ She sucked in a breath, released it, and forced herself to look at Jess. At least her voice was even as she said, "It wasn't all his fault. He was grieving and none of us even __noticed__ how bad he was. Not even me, and if anyone should have, it should have been me."

Jess' lips quirked into what __might__ have been a smile. "You can't blame yourself, Sam. Out of all of us, you're the least to blame. Remember, you were the only one who tried to stop us doing what we did to Hannah."

"Yeah."

"Look, I know it wasn't _all_ Josh's fault. The shit that happened was nothing to do with him. Doesn't make me feel any better about it." Jess set down the mug with a _clink,_ watery eyes turned to Sam. "I'll talk to him."

Sam smiled - and this time when she pulled Jess in for the biggest, warmest hug, they could have stayed like that forever.

* * *

 

Josh hadn't said a word the entire time. The sofa was cold without Sam and the way he clung to Chris was nothing short of _pathetic._

His ears strained to hear Jess and Sam - but they were too far away, too quiet even for his improved hearing. Whatever was going on in the kitchen, he had no idea. The thought made uneasiness well in his stomach. What if Jess hated him? What if she was telling Sam about how awful he was - and what if Sam _believed her?_ No, Sam wasn't like that and neither was Jess, as much as she pretended to be. But maybe-

"Hey, guess who's shown up?" There was a lightness in Sam's voice he didn't expect - and a smile on her face as she settled down in her familiar spot by Josh's side.

And then there was Jess, her eyes damp but gaze steady as she came to rest beside Mike. Even though there were chairs scattered about the living room she stood standing, hands interlaced with Mike's. At least the mountain hadn't destroyed their relationship. They seemed stronger for it.

"Hey Josh," Jess spoke, and her voice was hushed but strong, "sorry I bailed like that. I've always been good at overreacting, haven't I?"

"Don't worry about it; we're all used to it by now." His attempt at joking fell flat, his tongue dry.

Even so Jess let slip a smile. "Just so you know," she began, slow in the way he knew she didn't know where it was going, "Sam said things, and I’ll never understand - I don't think I _want to _-__ but it cleared up a lot."

"Like?" Mike ventured - and one strong hand pulled her close. She ended up perched on his lap, stiff as a board but at least she was __there__ and not hiding out in the kitchen.

"Like, I've been holding what happened against you for so long and it isn't your fault, not really. I can't vouch for the pranks because I wasn't there but... what happened isn't on you."

"You forgive me?" The words caught in his throat, eyes searching Jess' tired face for any signs of lies, or jokes, something for her to laugh about later. 

She didn't look at him as she spoke, instead staring at Mike's strong hand on her hip as she said, "There's nothing to forgive. You hurt Sam - and Chris, and Ash - but not me."

He had planned on it - God, he had planned __so much__ for her and Emily - but that wasn't something she needed to know. A smile tugged at the corner of his ragged lips as he pushed himself up, and the relief coursing through him was almost __physical.__ For a moment words escaped him.

Jess' eyes went wide, the dark eyeshadow circling her eyes reminding him of a frightened raccoon. A hand fluttered to her cheek and Mike mimicked her.

__Oh.__ Right. They hadn't got a good look at him before he dove under the safety of the blankets and now he had let them slip away like an _idiot,_ his face was on show for everyone to see. He grasped for a blanket or a pillow or __anything__ to hide his face because if they weren't scared off yet then they would run now.

But Jess reached out. She couldn't touch him from such a distance but the meaning was there. A wordless __stop__ with an open hand stretched out as if to take his. "Wait."

Josh stopped, frozen, wide eyes unable to look away from Jess as she climbed from Mike's knee to crouch beside him. 

"What happened up there? We all left and we thought you were _dead,_ Josh. And now _this _.__ "

He raised a clawed hand, palm flat to hide the ripped cheek and protruding teeth. "Guess I'm not human anymore. Humanity is overrated anyway." He smiled - all too aware of how his torn flesh peeled back.

But Jess didn't flinch - although behind her, Mike did - and she placed a soft hand against his damaged face. "It's cute. Adds character," she told him with an affirmative nod. And __that__ was the Jess they all knew - fun and confident and a little bit silly. “That mountain put you through a hell of a lot, huh?"

Josh didn't reply. No one else spoke and the silence stretched on for what could have been __hours.__  Jess stood up and scrubbed a hand across her eyes - when had she started crying? - and took her place back on Mike's lap.

"See, I __said__ everything would be fine," Sam whispered against his neck, a smile pressed into his skin.

"If miss 'I hold a grudge till the end of days' can forgive you, I think we're good," Chris shot back - and a laugh slipped from his throat.

“If Jess is good, then I am too,” Mike replied, and the low chuckle in his voice warmed Josh’s chest.  
A moment later Jess let out a squeak of laughter herself, and her eyes were so __bright,__ the fear sliding away. Then he felt Sam shake beside him, giggling into her palm.

Just like that the atmosphere vanished, and it was as if this was any other day spent hanging out with friends. Maybe it wasn't so impossible to turn things around.


	3. Chapter 3

 Chris' living room was becoming increasingly cramped - and with the extra bodies squished into the small room it was hot, too. Boiling, even. Once it wouldn't have bothered Josh; but now it was too stifling, too overwhelming. _This_ is why they always went to his house or Emily's - and this was why he didn't want everyone crowding him at once.

Worst part was, there were still people to arrive. People that used to be friends, people he loved - and people that probably hated him. Just because Jess was willing to look past his stupidity and just because Mike was too kind to voice his concerns didn't mean everyone was going to be so kind. Especially not Emily. 

Oh shit. _Emily._ She was supposed to be arriving in five minutes.

"You okay?" Beside him Sam gave his hand a light squeeze, head tilted low to his ear. Her hair brushed up against the side of his face. "Lost in thought again?"

That was one word for it. He cast a glance over to Mike and Jess - but they were too engrossed in whatever conversation with Chris to notice anything was wrong. "I'm fine," he replied quietly, though the words tasted sour. If there was one person he could never lie to, it was Sam. 

Her shoulders tensed and he __knew__ she saw through him - she always did, bless her - but she simply sighed. That was another thing he loved about Sam; as wonderfully supportive as she was, she also knew when to let a subject drop.

She jumped into the conversation but Josh tuned out her voice and everyone else's. His own heartbeat thundered above the chatter and Sam _must_ have felt the _thud thud_ against her as he shifted closer, arm looping through hers.

Earlier he had honestly thought __maybe__ things were going to be okay. It was amazing and horrible how the concept of Emily flipped that thinking upside down.

"I'm going to make coffee," Chris announced - and his voice cut through Josh's thoughts, "who wants?"

"Yeah, why not," Mike piped up with a smile, "thanks."

"Tea for me," Jess answered.

"Cool. Anyone going to offer their help?" Chris hefted himself from the sofa and reached out for the empty mugs lying scattered across the coffee table.

"I'll help," Josh replied, the words slipping from his tattered lips before he had the chance to realise he'd even spoken. He was up in a shot, sweeping the last mug from the table and striding across the living room. He was by the door without even knowing he had moved.

Jess' big eyes turned to him and there was a question in her eyes she didn't voice. Mike and Sam, too, turned curious gazes to him. Instinctively he turned away, covering the ruined side of his face.

Well, at least it gave him a chance to leave this suffocating room.

Chris passed him, and Josh didn't know if he was oblivious to the thick tension or just chose to ignore it. Either way, he casually plucked the mug from his hands, balancing it on top of a growing stack in his arms, and grinned at Josh. "Thanks dude, this is _a lot_ of drinks to make. Hey, can any of you remember what Emily likes?"

"Black tea, one sugar," Jess replied without missing a beat. Then, "what? Just because we don't get on doesn't mean I've forgotten everything. Besides, we're __trying__ to make up." She folded her arms across her chest almost defensively - but a smile tilted the corner of her lips.

Sam's own smile was soft, like it was the best news she had heard all day. Josh had to admit he felt the same - those two fell in and out of friendship constantly, but maybe this was for real. It would make her arrival in a few minutes less awkward too.

"Thanks Jess. Come on Josh, let's get this tea ready in time for Em."

Josh followed him like a lost puppy, lagging behind even though he towered over Chris. It wasn't that he didn't know where to go because he had practically lived at Chris' once, but the place was too small, the ceilings too low, and he felt like a stranger in a place that had once felt like a second home.

 Chris beelined for the fridge to grab the milk, leaving Josh hanging awkwardly by the door. The gentle clatter of cups against the marble counter grated against his ears, and the bitterness of the coffee stung his nose even from such a distance. Getting used to eating normal food again had been a learning curve. Every so often just the smell of something made him want to _throw up._

Before Josh had the chance to complain the doorbell rang, piercing through the tentative silence so shrilly Josh jumped. His heart skipped as a squeak left his lips and the urge to dash across the room to cling to Chris was _overwhelming._

"I'll get it!" Sam called from the living room. She cast Josh a reassuring look as she entered the hall.

He tried to smile back; but he knew with those teeth jutting from his lips it wasn't much of a smile at all. He scuttled deeper into the kitchen as the door opened, only catching a flash of inky black hair before the hall disappeared from view.

The kitchen was __much__ safer. They were Emily's no-go zone, especially if there was someone else there to get her drinks for her. As long as he stayed put out of her line of sight, everything was _fine _.__ At least that's what Josh told himself; but the hammering of his chest and the queasiness settling into his stomach said otherwise.

Chris appeared by his side, gently sliding a warm mug into his hands. "You can hide out here for a minute, but it isn't a long term solution. You _do_ know that, right?"

"Yeah," Josh replied weakly, "I'm just not ready."

"I know it's tough," Chris replied - and it was such an _understatement,_ so lacklustre. Chris didn't know __at all;__ but he was trying to, and Josh could appreciate that. "But if you can tackle Em, you can tackle anything. Think about that." 

Josh said nothing - but the raised voices surging from the living room made his gut clench, his chest tighten. The mug landed on the table with a clatter and his hands shook.

Chris raised a hand in defeat and his expression softened, thick brows knitting together in his famous concerned dad frown. "I'll pop my head in, hand out the drinks. You follow in when you're ready, yeah?"

Josh only managed a thankful nod; but words were too risky. His throat was dry, but not the kind of dry a quick sip of coffee would fix. He did so anyway, only to wince as the liquid scalded his tongue.

* * *

 

 ****"I just think we should give him a chance! He didn't even _do_ anything to you, so why do you have to be the one making it an issue?"

"Because he was __so__ out of order! What, he thought he could just trick us into going back to the lodge and do all of those stupid things and we'd just forget about it?"

Sam's blue gaze snapped from Jess to Emily - who had placed themselves slap in the middle of the living room, on either side of the little coffee table. If there was __any__ place to start an argument it wasn't here, but neither of them cared.

"Can we __not__ do this hear?" Mike piped up - and although his sudden voice made Sam jump, neither Emily or Jess replied. "Seriously? You're just going to act like Sam and I aren't here?"

"I'm __trying__ to back up Josh here," Jess snapped, eyes not leaving Em. 

"Who doesn't deserve it."

"Of course he does! He lost his __sisters,__ Em. Don't you think he has the right to be angry?"

Sam's heart swelled at Jess' words, at the warmth and determination hidden there. Of all people she didn't expect it from Jess but Sam wasn't picky. Lips parted in reply, but Sam never had the chance to utter a word.

Em leaned across until she was _inches_ from Jess' face. Dark eyes narrowed, there was something in her expression Sam couldn't place, but she didn't trust it. "Hannah and Beth wasn't our fault. We didn't know Hannah was going to run off; and one bad thing doesn't excuse another. __No one__ has the right to hurt another person because they're hurting too - especially not for revenge."

"I know, but-"

"Oh _shut up _!__ "

Sam flinched, Emily's voice ringing in her ears and she took a physical step back. Her legs bumped against the sofa but she ignored it. "Both of you shut up!" she hissed, shooting a glance toward the door. "Josh is __right__ in the next room and I don't want you scaring him off. Do you know how much courage it took for him to come today?"

At least Emily managed to look embarrassed, her cheeks flushing red. Even so she held Sam's gaze with narrowed eyes, lips pursed into a fine line. Folding her arms across her chest, Emily scowled.

Sam's gut rolled, queasiness rising. There were a million things she wanted to say - but instead she blew out a breath and closed her eyes, saying only, "both of you have a point, but if you're just here to shout at each other you can leave."

"It isn't _my fault _-"__

"Sam's right," Mike interjected, and when Sam cracked open an eye he was on his feet gently nudging the two apart. "You can fight later but not here and definitely not now."

Relief flooded Sam and for a moment the breath was knocked from her. All that left her lips was, "thanks Mike."

" _You_ did all the work."

"Uh, hey guys. What's going in in here?"

Sam's eyes snapped open to be met with Chris. There was a tray of drinks in his arms and a frown on his usually smiling face. He sidled in - and she might have imagined it, but she thought he cast her a nervous look as he passed. 

"We're fine," Jess replied softly. As she plucked a mug from the tray her hands shook, the nerves not quite hidden by the long sleeves of her jumper. 

Sam knew the feeling. This was _not_ how things were supposed to go. Stupid, bringing everyone together and expecting it to go smoothly. Especially with Emily involved.

At least no one had tried to throw fists yet. That was _something._

* * *

 

The sharp voices echoing down the hall made Josh feel _sick._ He had kept it together pretty well, all things considered, but this was _too much._ He had never gotten on with Emily and, well, there was currently only two doors separating him from her.

If he slipped past quietly enough, he could probably make it to the porch before anyone noticed. Maybe even the car?

Coffee forgotten, Josh peeked his head around the kitchen door. No one lingered in the hallway but he still took a breath as he crossed the threshold from kitchen to hall, pale eyes darting to the living room. His legs were like lead as he traipsed across the carpet. The front door was in sight, still unlocked with the keys left in the lock. See? This was easy.

"Hey hon, you coming in?"

White eyes snapped up and a lump formed in his throat, words fleeing his brain. The front door was only a meter away but Sam stood _right there,_ blocking his escape route.

Shit.

"Thinking of leaving?" She quirked a brow in question but there was no disappointment in her warm eyes, no anger in the soft quirk of her lips. "We talked Emily down from committing murder, so I'd come in now before she decides to try again."

"Uhh." Josh winced at the waver in his voice, scarred lips pulling back from oversized teeth. "Right. I just uh, left my phone in the car."

"Josh," Sam replied, and she reached out to gently take his hand in hers, "your phone's in your hoodie pocket. I can see the charm hanging out."

Right, _obviously._ The little pen charm Hannah had given him for his seventeenth birthday. The ink had long dried out but it was cute, and a reminder of his sisters. Except it had just betrayed him.

Sam held his gaze, soft and gentle but there was a glint in her eyes that said __this is getting old, Josh.__ When he said nothing she sighed, hands reaching out for the door handle. "Fresh air might help; but no _running _.__ "

The door creaked open and cool air flooded in, the breeze ruffling Sam's hair and skimming along Josh's face. It felt so __good,__ the icy wind biting at his bare skin. 

Sam swiped hair from her eyes with one hand and reached out to Josh with the other. Their hands linked and again Josh was amazed by how _normal_ this was. How calm Sam was when faced with his... otherness. She didn't care that his skin was cold or that his filed nails still resembled claws than human fingernails.

She led him outside - and it was so _dark,_ the sun long gone, but Josh saw her perfectly. She really looked angelic with strands of hair billowing about her face and her bright blue eyes shining in the dimness.

The porch steps were cold and hard as Josh lowered himself down; nothing like the comfort of Chris' soft sofas. Still, as Josh glanced back into the house, he decided it was much better out here.

"So," Sam started as she settled beside him, "another escape attempt."

A dry laugh escaped his lips in a burst. The absurdity of it all had finally settled in and __yes,__  he really had just tried to __escape__ his friends. Ex-friends? He didn't even know any more. Dropping his gaze, Josh studied the wooden slats that made up the bottom step.

"Because you're worried about Emily?"

A shrug. Then a nod. Josh said nothing.

"I guess that's a yes. Do you-"

"Hey, we moving the party out here?"

Josh flinched, curling in on himself - but it was only Mike. He dropped down onto the porch with a smile, ankles crossed in a position __much__ more relaxed than Josh's awkward crouch. "You two okay?"

"Yeah," Sam replied with a gentle nod, "thanks for checking up on us."

"Honestly, it's an excuse to get away from Em and Jess."

Josh couldn't hear any voices - no shouting, no threats - but that didn't mean things were __okay__ in there. It also didn't mean it was safe to go in.

" _ _Here__ you guys are. I thought everyone was just disappearing on me." Chris appeared in the doorway, a massive mug in one hand and a question in his eyes. As he stepped onto the porch a shiver left him, nose crinkling. "Fuck it's cold out here."

It wasn't; at least not to Josh. Cool yes, but not _cold_ even though there was frost clinging to the grass and wind rustling his curly hair. Another _wonderful_ reminder of what he was. Ducking his head, Josh pressed a hand to his ruined cheek.

"I have __no__ idea what you guys are doing out here but __please__ don't leave me with Emily. You _ _can't__ hold me responsible for murdering her." Jess, as tiny as she was, only just managed to peek over Chris' shoulder. Even in those stupid high heels she loved so much Josh only saw a quick flash of narrowed eyes and a scowl. "Why are we all outside?"

"Josh wanted some peace," Sam answered without missing a beat - then she slapped a hand across her mouth. Her cheeks were already tinted pink from the cold, but they turned __scarlet.__ "I mean, we needed a quick break before coming inside."

"Before talking to _me,_ you mean?"

Josh startled, almost _leaping_ from the wooden steps as his heart skipped. Sam jumped too, almost in perfect sync - and the entire group scattered; Chris skittered back from the door, Mike hip checked the porch railing as his foot slipped on the frost, and Jess practically scrambled up Chris' arm in her attempt to pull back from the door.

And there stood Emily with her hands on her hips, brow quirked, lips pulled into her famous smirk. "Seriously? I'm __that__ terrible?"

"We uh, just didn't see you there!" Chris replied, and his sheepish smile was unconvincing. "We were just-"

"Hiding." That brow quirked higher, Emily's gaze level and calm, but there was a tick in the corner of her lips that betrayed how she really felt.

Josh squirmed under her hot gaze, long limbs fidgeting in the cramped space of Chris' porch. Her eyes burned holes into his skin, hot and angry, and Josh couldn't do it any more. "I'm sorry I chickened out, okay? I'm being a jerk, but don't take it out on everyone else." He focused not on Emily's face but the spot above her shoulder, staring through the door and into the house behind her. Even though her gaze was still unwavering, it was a little easier to breathe now. "I know you're pissed off, and fuck knows you have every right to be. I don't expect you to forgive me or want to make up with me. So don't feel like you have to be here."

It was a start. It wasn't nearly enough - for Emily or anyone else - but his throat was closing up and he was afraid that if he kept talking, words were going to devolve into babbling nonsense. Josh swallowed thickly and risked a glance up at Emily.

No one had moved an inch. Or said a thing. The air felt thick around them and he swore Sam was holding her breath, eyes flickering between himself and Em. 

Emily clicked her tongue against her teeth; and then she rolled her eyes, hands dropping from her hips to swing by her side. "I'm here because I want to be, dumbass. Despite what people think," she looked at Jess then, staring her down, "I'm not heartless. You need help ad support, not total abandonment. But don't think that means everything's cool, okay? You still fucked us over."

Technically he hadn't done a thing to Emily, and his plans for her had stayed buried deep inside once he had been rescued from Mount Washington. Now probably wasn't the time to say that though, so Josh just slinked down, shoving his hands deep inside his pockets. "Thanks?" The word left his lips as a question, voice wobbling.

"Whatever. What you did was seriously messed up, and if you hadn't invited us there we never would have been hunted down by literal  _monsters._ I broke __three ribs,__ did you know that?"

"Hey, the wendigos weren't his fault-"

"I'm not here to __argue,__ okay? I'm just making my point."

Josh's eyes locked with Sam and for one short moment they shared one single thought; __oh no.__

"Why don't we go inside?" Sam suggested, clambering to her feet. Her knees were damp with melting frost, hands shaking and Josh didn't know if it was the cold or, well, _everything else._

"Good idea." Mike's reply was instant as he swept Jess into his arms. They leaned into each other without thought.

Slowly they all filtered inside with little sighs of relief and grins as warmth hit their faces. Sam was the last to leave, casting Josh a smile as she beckoned him inside.

But Emily hung back and he knew what that meant; she wanted to talk to him. _Alone._ Just the thought made Josh's pulse quicken and his stomach flip.

Shouting. That was what Emily was good at; shouting and arguing and quite often scaring people off. Josh winced, bracing himself for an onslaught - but Emily was quiet as she tugged her leather jacket around her shoulders and lowered herself onto the step beside him. Gazing out at the dark driveway, she said nothing.

She was facing his bad side, the __wendigo__ side, but Emily didn't even flinch. It was as if she hadn't even __seen__ it and while it was a change to not be stared at, uneasiness sprouted in his stomach. There was just no way she hadn't noticed the gaping hole in his cheek or the sharp, yellowing teeth.

Eventually she sat back and she slowly swivelled to face him. Her face was blank, dark eyes unreadable and full lips pursed. Eventually she sighed, shaking her head so hair fell into her eyes. "I nearly didn't come today, kind of wishing I hadn't. You know who convinced me?"

Instinctively Josh ducked, hand capturing his face and he __really__ wished he had a scarf or hood to cover his face. "Jess?" he suggested, "because the two of you are __best buds__ again?"

Emily didn't laugh or roll her eyes and tell him he was an idiot - she _nodded._ "Actually, yeah. Don't get me wrong, I think she spouted a bunch of bullshit about forgiving you and blah blah blah; but we messed up too. All of us. Even your perfect, blameless Sam. So maybe we didn't deserve all that stuff up on the mountain - but if it got it all out your system, then fine."

A breeze blew past, ruffling Josh's thick curls and stinging his eyes. It howled through the tall trees in Chris' garden like the echo of some far off creature.

He didn't notice Emily was shivering until then. With her hands shoved in her pockets and knees tucked in close, she looked __freezing.__

"What do you mean, 'got it out of my system'?"

She shrugged, and when she blew out a breath it misted in front of her lips. "I mean I don't think your going to pull a stunt like that again. It was a one time thing, a learning curve. And I think you're sorry."

"You have _no_ idea."

A pause. It grew and grew, and Josh wasn't even sure Emily was going to say anything else. Then, "and Jess was right about the wendigo not being your fault. I think in that respect you've suffered more than any of us."

Maybe, but that didn't make him feel any better. Something settled in his stomach, uncomfortable and heavy.

"Anyway, my point it; we all messed up, and I'd rather just move on. But don't think I'll be coming to any more of these bonding sessions."

A smile curled at the edge of Josh's lips then, just slightly. Typical Emily - avoiding softness like it was the plague. "Fine by me," he replied with a shrug, "wouldn't want you there anyway."

"Hey Em?"

Yeah?"

"I really am sorry. For everything."

"Good." Emily pulled herself to her feet, shoes rustling against the frosty steps, and turned to the door. "I like you Josh, even if you're a huge idiot. Take care of yourself."

It was no grand show of unbreakable friendship - or even acceptance - but coming from Emily, this was damn well near enough a love confession, and he would take what he got.


	4. Chapter 4

 "I'm not saying Matt and I aren't _friends_ any more - I'm saying we just weren't working as a couple."

"So you broke up with him a week before a group meet up?"

"...Yes?"

Josh and Chris shared a look, brows quirked in mutual wonder. Emily really was something else, wasn't she? They had avoided several disasters tonight already; was she going to cause another one?

"Well," Sam replied - and she was always the optimist, "Matt's a sweetie, and I doubt he'll start anything. He'll just glare daggers at you from across the room."

It was more likely that he would refuse to come in, or not turn up at all, but Josh didn't voice those thoughts. He had stayed mostly quiet for the last twenty minutes, settled on the floor between Sam and Jess since there was no more room on the sofa. He _could_ have brought in a chair from another room but honestly, he liked the floor just fine. He wasn't at eye level, and the others had left him to his thoughts, unbothered by his lack of input except for a few sarcastic quips now and then.

Emily said something else, voice thick with annoyance, but Josh didn't hear because __right then__ someone buzzed the doorbell. It had been going off all evening but Josh still jumped and automatically shot out a hand for Sam - except he was on the floor and she was sitting on the sofa, so the only part of her he reached was her __leg.__

Blue eyes flickered to him as Sam leaned forward, a thin brow raised in question - but there was no pursed lips or narrowed eyes, and Josh relaxed. "You know," she stated, "I like a leg massage as much as the next person but uh, you're nails are digging in a bit, babe."

Chris swept past them on the way to the door and he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

Josh ignored him, snatching back his hand like Sam's calf had burned him. "Sorry," he replied quietly - and then, just so he didn't sound so __pathetic,__ "maybe when there's less people around."

Sam snorted at that and settled back into the sofa without another word. She did reach out a hand for him though, slender fingers combing through his thick hair.

Soft voices drifted over then, Chris' laughter filtering through from the hall. "Come in dude, I'll hang your jacket... somewhere."

"Thanks. Can I borrow your charger? My phone's nearly dead." 

It was Matt's voice, and even though they were expecting him Josh felt his heart sink. For the hundredth time that even Josh steeled himself, sucking in a deep breath and forcing a smile onto his lips. Actually, considering how half of his face looked, that was probably _worse._ Fuck.

Seconds later Chris peeked through the door - and they way he grinned was so _genuine_ Josh couldn't help but think maybe everything was fine. Chris' smile had always been infectious and this was no different. He sauntered into the room to perch on the arm of the sofa beside Sam, so casually it was like they had stepped into a universe where everything was the same, just subtly different.

Matt appeared a moment after, hands stuffed deep into his pockets but smiling nervously. His hair was longer, the curls a little more pronounced as they hung over his forehead. He looked less like the football jock they all knew him as and more, well, something else. Surfer? He couldn't place it. But his smile was the same, and so was the warmth in his eyes as they trailed from one person to the next. Eventually his eyes settled on Josh and that expression changed. Still warm - but there was something else there too, something quiet and hesitant he was trying not to voice.

Josh swallowed thickly, and his mouth tasted sour.

Until Matt crossed the room, all but tugging Josh to his feet - and then Matt wrapped him in a hug so tightly he was practically __clinging__ to Josh's shoulders. "I'm not usually one for this kind of thing," he told him, "but I missed you, dude. Like, a lot."

His legs could have collapsed underneath him, every ounce of strength abandoning him in that split second. "Yeah well," he quipped back, "I missed you too. Just don't go telling everyone."

"Almost everyone's already here."

"Dude, you're ruining the _moment._ "

Behind them someone snorted, and he thought it might have been Mike trying not to laugh. 

It was followed by muffled giggles from Jess, and then she said, "c'mon guys, this is getting weird. Break it up now."

They did, although the loss of contact left Josh feeling cold. He had never even been that close to Matt. but these days Josh took what comfort he could get. They broke apart, Matt stepping back and Josh holding still, arms dropping to his side.

Matt had crossed the room too quickly to get a decent look at Josh - but it was clear then that he was looking, _properly,_ and his eyes went wide as they landed on the stretch of jagged teeth across his jaw. He jumped back, eyes fixated, and his mouth opened as if to speak but no words came out.

If the room hadn't been hushed before, the last drop of noise was squeezed from the room and left it void of any sound. No one spoke; not even Sam, who __always__ knew what to say.

Then, "what happened to your __face?__ "

Josh winced, lips curling and that wasn't exactly helping the situation but he couldn't __help__ it. Matt's fear was plain across his face but worse than that it was __palpable,__ a physical feeling in the air and it was swallowing them both whole. 

"Fuck, no one thought to _warn me_ about this? I'm sorry Josh but this..." Matt trailed off but his eyes stayed fixed on Josh with a look he couldn't decipher - but his eyebrows were pinched, body stiff, and Josh had never seen him like this before.

It had taken this long, but this was the reaction Josh had been expecting all along - he just hadn't expected it from _Matt._

"Okay, maybe we should-"

Josh didn't hear the rest of Sam's sentence - he was out of the room in a second, legs carrying him without giving his mind time to catch up. He didn't know where he was going but it didn't matter because _anywhere_ was better than there.

Before he knew it he was upstairs and locking the bathroom door. The soft __click__ of the lock shocked him back to reality - and it was then that he realised his cheeks were damp, tears dripping onto his t-shirt and soaking through. His legs collapsed, hitting the cool tile floor - and then he couldn't stop it any more. The tears fell freely, hot drops rolling down pale cheeks, dripping onto the floor, and for the first time since leaving the mountain, Josh allowed himself to cry.

* * *

"Should I go talk to him?" 

They stood huddled at the bottom of the stairs, but no one had dared take that first step upwards. Not even Sam and she was supposed to be his _girlfriend,_ the one person he could trust no matter what. But this was a new side of Josh, one she didn't know how to handle. How did she know she wouldn't make things worse?

"I'll go talk some sense into him."

"Woah Em, __not__  a good idea!" Mike caught her as she pushed past, barely hooking his arm underneath hers and pulling her back downstairs. "No offence, but that's the __worst__ thing you could do."

"And she's done plenty damage already," Jess shot back - but her eyes were fixed on the bathroom door, still firmly closed. "Do you think he's okay up there? I feel bad for how I acted earlier."

"It was _Matt's_ fault for putting his foot in it."

"I'm __sorry,__ okay? No one told me he was all... whatever that is. I was an idiot, okay?"

Their words hammered into Sam's skull and she was __sure__ it was going to explode at any second. Slender hands twitched by her side and it took all of her strength not to scream at them to _fuck off._

"Josh's having a tough time of it, cut him some slack."

"He's the one who caused all this - and he hasn't even properly apologised!"

Sam squeezed her eyes shut, but it was a futile attempt to block everything out. She sucked in a breath, __pleading__ for them to stop - but their hissed whispers continued to rise. "Guys, will you _keep it down?_ " Finally she snapped, voice surging above everyone else.

The silence was instant. The group turned to her in perfect sync, eyes wide. Served them right.

"Look, I'll talk to him. Can you try not to bite each other's heads off while I'm gone?" Her eyes flickered to Chris. 

No one said a word but they didn't need to - Chris knew exactly what she was asking. For him to keep everyone quiet while she investigated.

She nudged her way past Mike to climb the stairs, slipping away from the gaggle of friends. Although the stairs were short, they were never ending as Sam slowly trudged her way upstairs. A quick glance behind confirmed no one had so much as moved their arms, watching her move. Yeah, not creepy _at all._ As long as they didn't try to eavesdrop.

Who was she kidding, half the group _at least_ were going to try.

She made it to the upstairs landing, dark and eerie all by herself. She shivered, though it wasn't even cold. Pulling her thick jumper around her, Sam knocked gently on the door.

Just like earlier that evening, there was no reply.

"Come on Josh, I'm not doing this twice in one day. You can't keep bailing on us." She knocked again, firmer, and pressed her forehead against the cool wooden door. "Can I come in?"

"No." His voice was soft, almost incomprehensible, but Sam had spent enough time with him over the months to know when he had been crying. 

"Then can I talk to you through the door?"

A few beats of silence. Then, "no. Everyone will hear you."

Sam kept her voice soft even as the first bubbles of anger rose. "I can't stand out here forever, and you can't spend the night in Chris' bathroom."

Again, the bathroom fell silent. It dragged on, thicker and more awkward by the second, until Sam thought she wasn't going to get a reply at all. Until the door cracked open, just a touch, to reveal the dark bathroom inside.

* * *

 

Josh's fingers shook as he unlatched the door, letting it swing just enough to let in a crack of light from the downstairs hall. He _hated this -_ hated being so weak, so quiet and nervous. At least before he had been _kind of_ himself - just a different, fucked up version of him. But ever since the mountain, he hadn't been Josh at all.

He hadn't wanted Sam to come in - the thought had made his throat close up and his heart shudder - but when he saw her sidle into the bathroom, bright blue eyes glinting in the weak light, the fight abandoned him. Just looking at her - at the little smile curving at her lips and the way she brushed stray hair from her face, it made all of this worth it. She was still here for him, even after all of his tremendous failures.

"Hey babe," she whispered, "why are the lights off?"

His immediate reaction was to duck deeper into the shadows, to try and wipe the tears without her seeing.

Of course she did, taking his hands in hers and leaning down to brush a kiss across his lips. "Everyone's waiting for you downstairs. Even Matt - and I think he feels pretty awful for the way he reacted."

Josh didn't blame him, _couldn't_ blame him - but that didn't make it any better. "It's fine," he replied, but he couldn't even convince himself.

Sam's hand reached up, brushing circles across his neck and she was so _gentle_ that Josh sank right into her. He would have all but collapsed into her touch if she hadn't been balanced in such a precarious crouch. He was tempted to anyway.

"Would you feel better if you spoke to Matt one on one, like you did with Emily?"

A noncommittal shrug. It might have helped, but it might have only made things weirder. How was he to know? 

"We can try, and Chris or I will sit by the stairs in case you change your mind."

Those slow, lazy circles felt _so good,_ so relaxing, it was like his worry was physically slipping away. Sam was magic like that. "I guess we could try," he ventured, eyes meeting hers.

"Cool. I'll go get him." She leaned down once more to place a kiss to the corner of his lips, smiling softly into it. "I'm proud of you, you know."

Butterflies squirmed in Josh's stomach, a reluctant smile spreading across torn lips. "Thanks, Sammy."

She slipped from the room; only a few tense seconds passed before hushed voices drifted up the hall. Even as he strained his ears, he couldn't discern individual words - just Sam's voice, recognisable no matter what, and muffled sighs of exasperation from one of his friends. If he could still call them friends.

He should probably leave the bathroom. Or at least turn on the light so he didn't look like a _complete_ weirdo. Though considering the way the night was going, he was certain everyone already thought that. God, and he hadn't even spoken to Ash yet. He did __not__ want to think about that.

"Hey Josh?"

He blinked, owlish eyes snapping to the door. It was still hanging open from Sam's departure and he saw shadows of movement on the other side. With a shaky breath Josh bit down the urge to hide, and swung the door open.

Only to lock eyes with Matt. He gave a nervous little wave, and from the way his lips twitched he was biting the inside of his cheek. It was weird habit he'd had since long before they met in high school - a stress habit, Josh knew.

They stood there, the three of them, in thick silence. Josh didn't move and neither did Matt - though at least this time, Matt didn't flinch away when his gaze travelled across Josh's torn face. 

"If no one's going to speak," Sam's voice sliced through the silence, "does that mean I have to do it for you?" She quirked a brow, glancing between them - and then rolled her eyes. "I'll be downstairs, out of earshot. Holler if you need me." She leaned over to press a kiss to Josh's cheek, warm hand brushing his shoulder.

When she drew back, Josh immediately missed the warmth of her skin against his. He waved as she left, trying to ignore the way his stomach rolled. _This is just Matt,_ he reminded himself, _you've dealt with Emily and Jess. This is nothing._

It didn't make it any less weird as he tore his eyes from Sam's retreating back and focused on Matt. He had never seen Matt uncomfortable, except for one Halloween when a bunch of them had dressed as Power Rangers and Matt had been left with Pink. The fond memory made his lips quirk but he still felt so tense his legs were beginning to ache.

He opened his mouth to speak, though what he was actually going to say was a mystery - but he never got the chance. Suddenly thick, warm arms roped around his shoulders and pulled him close. The embrace was so tight it was  _suffocating _,__ but Josh found he didn't care.

"I'm sorry," the muttered whisper tickled his ears, "I didn't mean to be such an asshole. The stuff you've been through up there, none of us can even imagine it. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"I guess it makes up for being so shitty to you all."

"It _more_ than makes up for it. Though since you didn't do anything to me, I can't really vouch for it. Still, no one deserves what you've been through, up on the mountain or before. We should have been there for you, man."

Tears sprung the corner of his eyes but he didn't know __why,__ not when he had managed to stave them off all day. The warmth of Matt's arms around him and honesty in his voice was all too much. The tears dripped onto Matt's letter jacket and he tried to wipe them away before he noticed.

When they broke the hug, Matt smiled softly, hand reaching back to ruffle his hair. Another stress habit. "That was kind of impulsive. My bad." 

Josh just shrugged. Now that they stood across from each other again those brief few seconds felt fuzzy and dreamlike, so weirdly vulnerable for them __both__ that he wondered if it had been imagined. If he hadn't been back on his meds, he might have wondered if it was a hallucination.

"Look, I don't do the mushy stuff, not like you or Sam or Chris, but I want you to know I'm sorry. For everything. If I'd known about the Wendigo I wouldn't have taken you guys there, and if I'd taken my meds like a __sensible__ person I wouldn't have done any of it." It was mostly true. If he'd known about the Wendigo - about _Hannah _-__ he might have tried to go himself, but that hadn't happened and there was no point dwelling on what ifs. Another tear bubbled at the corner of his eyes and he wiped it away with a scowl.

"I get it. Okay, I don't have the firsthand experience but I'm _trying_ to understand. You're getting better, and that's what counts."

"Yeah. Thanks."

There was more to say - so much more, and not just to Matt - but before either of them had the chance to utter another word light flashed through the hall window, car lights stretching across the steps as someone pulled into the driveway.

Josh's mind went blank, refusing to piece together what that mind. Until the patter of the car engine turning off reached his ears and the doorbell rang - for the fourth and last time that night.

Ashley was here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt is a hugger and no one will convince me otherwise. Look at him, he's _designed_ for giving hugs!
> 
> On a different note, I feel like I'm making everyone forgive Josh a little too easily, and considering the stuff he pulled maybe I should have included more conflict. But really, he suffered more than enough in canon and I'm fed up of the tropes of mentally ill characters being portrayed as the villain, and of mentally ill characters being killed off/made to suffer. So for that purpose alone I'm giving Josh all the love and forgiveness, even if he doesn't 100% deserve it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand the final! I might add another bonus chapter of everyone just hanging and being dorks, but I'm not sure. Maybe I could add it in as a oneshot?

Josh managed to duck out of sight just as the door opened - and he caught a quick flash of Ashley's dark auburn hair and the scowl marring her face before he slipped out of view.

Hiding was becoming a habit; but if there was anyone it made __sense__ to hide from, it was Ashley. Sweet, kind Ashley who would never hurt a soul - unless it was _him._

"So, where is he? I just want to get this over with."

A quick peek downstairs confirmed that everyone had gathered in the hallway. Ashley still stood by the door but she had shed her coat and woollen hat - though she _hadn't_ shed that deep scowl. Her gaze wandered upstairs and even though Josh was out of sight it was like Ashley _knew._ Like her alarm bells were ringing and for a moment he thought he wasn't the only one who was going to hide.

But Ashley didn't hide, or run outside like he would have - she stood her ground. Though she _did_ edge closer to Chris, looping an arm through his.

Wait, were they _together?_

"He's upstairs," Sam's soft voice broke through his thoughts, as warm as ever, "I'll go get him."

"Right." As Josh shifted back he couldn't see Sam or Ashley, but he didn't need to; the quiet, hesitant tone to Ashley's voice said everything. She probably wanted to do this about as much as he did.

Footsteps. After a moment Sam emerged, smiling softly. "Hey. You ready?"

No. Wasn't that obvious? He swallowed thickly, but words still refused to leave his lips. He could barely think, his mind a mess of thoughts all overlapping, whirling around in his skull too fast to form anything coherent. Eventually he managed a quiet, "do I have a choice?"

Sam laughed, but it was a strained sound. "I guess not. Chris and I will be there the entire time, I promise."

"Thanks. Just... keep the others away? This is going to be humiliating enough as it is." Not that he didn't _deserve it _-__ he deserved so much worse than anything Ashley could throw at him. That hardly made him feel better about the whole thing. He dropped his gaze, eyes landing on his hands. They had always been slender but now they were __twisted,__ too skinny to be natural and ending in thick, claw-like nails that even constant filing couldn't hide. Yeah, Ash was going to __freak.__

And that wasn't even considering the 'prank' he had pulled on them, and all of the other fucked up stuff he had done.

A gentle hand tilted his chin up, and then Sam pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. "You've got this, babe." She littered more kisses across his forehead, his nose, his jaw, and finally placed one to the edge of his torn cheek, lingering for just a second longer. "I know it's scary but I promise nothing bad will happen."

It sure as hell didn't __feel__ that way, but the words warmed his chest and calmed the thudding of his heart.

They descended the stairs hand in hand, and Josh's heart felt just a tiny bit lighter. By the time they reached the last step, he was almost smiling.

Until something soft hit his forehead and he stumbled back, eyes snapping wide. Did Ashley just throw her __hat__ at him? Glancing down he saw the bundle of red fabric lying at his feet. Yeah, definitely Ash's favourite hat. Curious eyes drifted up, his mouth parting even though no words left him.

"You __asshole__! You absolute piece of _shit!"_

Another step back. Josh couldn't remember __ever__ hearing Ashley swear, except for a handful of times she had gotten drunk at sleepovers in high school. She was sober now though, and glaring at him with narrowed eyes of such intensity he physically recoiled, heart skipping anxiously.

"Do you honestly think pretending to be a _murderer_ is cool? That tying us up and forcing Chris to choose between his two best friends is __fun?"__ Ash stormed forward, one hand on her hip and one pointing accusingly. With each word she took another step until she was so close Josh could feel her breath, count each tiny freckle splashed across her cheeks. _ _"__ A prank. That's what you call it? Do you want to know what I call it? _Messed up._ "

"I know," Josh replied quietly.

"And then pretending you were dead? That might be _worse._ We were terrified!"

"I know."

"And then filming Sam in the bath!" She turned to Sam then, accusing eyes dark, "how can you forgive that?"

Josh cringed, folding in on himself like making himself smaller might help him disappear. His hand slipped from Sam's so he could bury them in his pockets.

He shouldn't have been surprised that Sam was having none of it. She pulled him close, arm looped around his waist, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Then to Ash she said, "because he might have done a fucked up thing, but we were hardly any better. While Josh was mourning we all went about life like nothing was wrong, burying our heads in the sand."

"He still scared us, _hurt us,_ and acted like it was all a joke. What happened to Hannah and Beth was an accident - and that doesn't make it better - but what Josh did was _intentional._ If you expected a nice, calm discussion that's not going to happen." Ashley pressed herself into Chris' side, eyes flickering from Sam to Josh.

Chris, for once, said nothing. He looked lost, like he wanted to intervene but didn't know __how.__ Josh knew exactly how he felt. 

Ashley had never been argumentative, never been one to lash out or raise her voice. This was a new side to her. She stood there, small but ferocious even as she clung to Chris' sweater. There was no doubt in his mind that if she really wanted to, Ashley could do some serious damage. 

Josh didn't want to imagine her throwing something much harder than a woollen hat, but the image rose in his mind anyway. He shivered.

"Just so you know, I didn't come here to make up - I came because Chris asked me to."

Josh's eyes flickered up, locking with Chris' dark blue ones. He shrugged awkwardly, quietly admitting it was true. "I had to practically beg her," he confirmed, "I, uh, didn't think she would actually come."

"Yet here I am, regretting it," she said quietly. She looked at him for a moment and her face twisted, lips curling into a grimace so unlike what he was used to. Gone was her familiar smile and sparkling eyes - replaced by something sombre, darker. "This is just too much." She stared at him for a moment longer, silently studying his face - but her lack of reaction to his new, Wendigo side was unsettling. "I thought maybe I could at least stay for a bit, hear your side of things but... what you did was _terrible _.__ "

"I know." He was beginning to sound like a broken record, those two words the only thing he could force himself to say. Ash needed to know he was sorry - he __needed her__ to know - but his throat closed up before the words had the chance to form. 

"I'm standing right in front of you and you won't even apologise."

He was stupid. Pathetic. _Cruel._ He had to say _something _,__ but he just wanted the ground to swallow him up so he didn't have to. He wasn't so lucky - the ground stayed put and so did he.

"This is a waste of time. Sorry Chris, but I can't stay." Ash reached for her jacket, shrugging it on and reaching for her gloves without making eye contact. Then she paused, eyes landing on the hat at Josh's feet. It was like she was gauging whether to pick it up or not, no doubt wondering if it was worth going near him.

Josh picked it up for her - and when he held it out, Ash tentatively plucked it from his hands. No skin contact, but at least she had _taken it._

"Ash come on, you only got here five minutes ago." Chris put a hand on her shoulder, looking at her with wide, pleading eyes that _anyone_ would have a hard time saying no to. "At least hear him out. Please?"

Her eyes, dark in the dim light of the hall, drifted from Chris to Josh to Sam, and then back again. "I'm sorry."

The front door creaked as Ashley tugged it open; and then she was gone, disappearing into the darkness of Chris' driveway. Within seconds, she was just a dull shape against the black backdrop.

"Well, that didn't go as planned."

Josh's eyes snapped to Chris and he grunted - though it came out almost like a _growl._ He flushed, ducking his head in embarrassment. "Yeah," was all he managed, voice weak.

"Sam pulled him closer, slender arm pressed into his side. "Maybe it didn't go great, but at least everyone __came.__ Give it some more time and Ash might come around."

"And if she doesn't?"

"We'll worry about that later. Baby steps."

Josh wondered if the others had heard it all. They were holed up in the kitchen or something, but the house was __tiny__ \- and Emily at least was known for eavesdropping. His flush darkened, so obvious against his washed-out skin.

"I'll let the others know Ashley left," Chris spoke, and his voice had lost his enthusiasm.

Sam's brows furrowed, eyes flickering to the window. "I never saw headlights. I think she's still outside."

She was probably sitting in her car, too pissed off to concentrate on driving. Or crying. Or coming up with an elaborate scheme to take him out. Okay, probably not that last one. Wasn't Ashley's whole _thing_ about how revenge was pointless?

"I'll go see," Chris said, already shoving on a pair of boots, "maybe I can convince her to come back in."

As Chris slipped from the house, Josh's legs collapsed beneath him. He ended up in a heap on the stairs, hands shaking. He hadn't even _realised_ he had collapsed until a dull ache spread through his knee and he looked down to see his left leg trapped beneath his right. Shifting, he dropped his head into his hands. "I fucked up."

When Sam settled beside him she was warm and comforting, her arms secure as she pulled him in for a hug. "You did, but that was then and this is __now.__ You're doing your best - and that's all we can ask."

"Well my best isn't __good enough,__ " he shot back, and his voice came out as a distorted growl. He was slipping, but he didn't care, "it doesn't matter if I do everything, I can't guarantee Ash will forgive me. You know what? I don't __deserve__ it anyway. She shouldn't forgive me, or want to be near me. How can I expect her to do that?

"Just give her time."

"So she can still hate my guts ten years down the line? Yeah, great." He was just making things worse for himself and he _knew it,_ but that didn't make it any easier to stop. Even with the meds and the therapy and everything else, that old urge to self destruct still crept up, slow but sure.

He didn't argue when Sam led him into the living room, or when she sat him down threw the blanket over him. It almost completely enveloped him from head to toe as he sank down into the soft fabric - and when Sam joined his side, curled up into his arms, he only buried his head in her shoulder.

With everyone still in the kitchen the emptiness felt _weird,_ not quite right. He had been surrounded by people all day and now just... nothing. It wasn't cold, but Josh suppressed a shiver.

He wasn't sure how much time passed - two minutes, ten, twenty - but _finally_ the door clicked open and Chris' quiet voice echoed from the hall. "Just be gentle, okay?"

"Right, because he was so _gentle_ with us when he tortured us, wasn't he?"

Josh flinched, pressing himself closer to Sam like she was his own security blanket. She was far better than the __actual__ blanket surrounding him, and he found comfort in the softness and warmth of her skin as she pressed a kiss to his lips.

Chris entered the room first, his sweater damp with snow or rain - though only one shoulder was damp; like someone had cried on him. He smiled weakly, opening the door further to let Ashley in.

Her eyes still shimmered with tears, but the curl of her lips suggested she didn't want anyone to see. She swiped under her eyes and collapsed onto one of the armchairs - the one furthest from Josh. "I reconsidered. You're our friend and I don't want to abandon you - it would only hurt Chris and Sam. So I'm back. But," she looked up, not quite meeting his eyes, "don't think this means your forgiven."

"I won't." Josh's voice was tiny - and God he was so _fed up_ of feeling like this, but he had brought it on himself. "Thanks, Ash."

"Ashley. You lost your rights to best friend nicknames the moment you tied us up."

"Right. Ashley." Josh ducked his head, wishing for all the world he could hide under that blanket and never resurface. Unfortunately that wasn't an option.

"I just don't get __why__ you did it. Revenge, I get - but you said it was a _prank._ If those are pranks, Josh, I'd hate to see what you can really do." She sank lower and the enormous armchair almost swallowed her up. She was so _small,_ fragile even, and more so than Josh had even seen her. Despite the anger and the disgust there was just __Ashley;__ and Ashley had never been good at dealing with stuff. 

Then again, was he anyone to talk?

"Look, this is difficult for everyone." Chris settled on the arm of the chair, one thick hand combing through Ashley's thick auburn hair. "Josh was off his meds - which he's __back on,__ " he punctuated those last words with a sharp nod toward Josh, "and he's getting therapy twice a week; which is way more than the rest of us can afford, though God knows we might need it. Anyway, there was a lot of shit going on, but we're on our way to fixing it."

"It still isn't an excuse."

"Grief can do pretty awful stuff-"

"Stop."

Three pairs of eyes shot to Josh - even Sam, so uncharacteristically quiet as she sat by his side.

"I get that you're trying to defend me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it, but it isn't _helping._ What I did was awful, and you need to stop making excuses for me."

Chris' lips parted, but then he sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, parting his perfectly gelled sides, and said nothing.

Sam shifted, and when he looked over her lips were pursed, eyes narrowed in thought. He knew that look; she was having an inner debate with herself.

"Seriously, I mean it. We all messed up one way or another, but __I__ was the one who knew what the end result was going to be. I planned it all out in detail - hell I kept a notebook of ideas. I thought it was revenge for Beth and Hannah but it wasn't. It was just a fucked up power trip."

"Josh," Sam began, those eyes still narrowed like she didn't know what to say. Honestly, he doubted any of them did. But Sam, bless her, was trying. "We're not making excuses. We're just trying to understand; or understand as much as we can, anyway." 

"Speak for yourself," Ashley muttered - but the menace was gone from her voice and replaced by something softer. Something... lost. 

Somehow, that was even _worse _.__ Josh knew how to deal with anger, he had been dealing with his own for years - but this was more like the Ashley he knew. Lost, hurt and vulnerable.

Dropping his gaze, Josh buried his face into the blanket. He was back in the exact place he had started the evening, tucked into Sam's side with his face hidden - but so much had happened in just a few hours. Too much.

"I'm just saying, don't expect us to hug and make up, okay? Don't think I'm going to start hanging out like it's old times. I'm not saying I'll __never__ want to see you again but... I don't know."

Josh nodded wordlessly. He couldn't bring himself to look at Ashley, or __anyone,__ so he simply buried himself further under the fluffy blanket. 

Beside him, Sam tucked an arm through his. The sofa was narrow and cramped, definitely not ideal to pile two bodies next to each other, but she pulled herself close anyway. When her warm breath tickled his jaw and a kiss dusted his chin, she smiled into the kiss. "See? I told you it wasn't hopeless. Whatever Chris said to Ash __worked.__

"Okay!" Ashley clapped her hands together as she heaved herself up, "I'm done with the deep conversation for one day. I think my brain might implode or something."

Chris was up like a shot, nearly toppling from his perch on the arm of the chair in his haste. "So soon? You've already made _one_ failed escape attempt - stay a little longer. We were going to get pizza and dessert from that cute icecream place you like."

The dessert part was new to Josh - but he saw the hesitation in Ashley's eyes. The call of icecream was strong, especially with a sweet tooth Ashley's size, so she relented. "Fine. Only until after dinner, all right? I have college tomorrow and I don't want to keep myself up getting all angsty. __Also,__ I have a condition or two."

"Okay?"

Josh glanced at Sam, but her quirked brow told him she was as lost as Chris and himself.

"Condition one - you get me that amazing raspberry mango icecream. The biggest carton they offer. Two, you don't leave me alone with Josh."

Chris' gaze immediately fell on Josh, wide and concerned. 

He winced, ducking his head - but Ashley's condition was fair. He wasn't about to argue. "Deal," he said softly, barely a whisper. It was a __start,__ but it didn't feel like one.

"Good," Ashley replied. Then, in a softer voice, "thanks."

"I should be the one saying thanks," Josh answered quietly, "for not ditching me; and for not hitting me with anything harder than a _hat _.__ " 

A smile quirked at the edges of Ashley's lips - weak and a little forced, but _there._ "It was all I had on me. If I had a brick, I'd have used it. I still might, so watch out."

It was genuinely impossible to know if she was joking or series - but honestly, nothing would surprise him. Still, seeing that self satisfied little smirk warmed his chest, made him grin in a way surely hideous - but at that moment he wasn't sure he actually cared.

After all, Sam had been right from the beginning. Things were still rough, nowhere near to being fixed - and they might never be. He was a little closer, at least, to mending things with the people he loved. 

Maybe, with enough time to heal and a __lot__ of effort on his part, they could all be friends again.


End file.
